If you would rather blame your autistic child's condition on a scapegoat such as Gluten, Vaccines, smoking, bad karma, or abortion (WTF?) then love and accept your child for the way he/she is....Congratulations! You failed as a parent!!
What the fuck. A long time ago, my (autistic) sister went to the swimming pool. She got it and was playing with another boy's toy without asking, he was only like 3 so he didn't care, but his mother came up to my older sister and bawwed about "waahh UR CHILD IS OUT OF CONTORL BAWWWW UR BAD PARENTS BAWW U SUCK" She was just throwing a shitfit, and my sister had no idea what she did wrong. My parents love my sister, with or without autism, and they support her 110%
I don't have autism (at least, I haven't been diagnosed with it so I guess that's a no), but I still hate it when people are rude to people who do. I don't curse normally, and when I do it's usually just a mutter from shock, but one day I found someone on the internet teasing someone else just because they had autism, and I completely blew. I can't stand it when people are mean to people who have problems AND THEY CAN'T HELP IT. I mean honestly. Human beings aren't perfect. REALITY PLEASE COME AND BACKHAND ALL OF THESE IDIOTIC PEOPLE.
My parents deal with my autism pretty well, however it pains me to hear of other kids who have to go through not so caring parents... Yeah, my parents deal with it well, but I don't think they quite understand it... I don't think I really do either (I sometimes suspect my parents have aspergers too). This becomes a problem for me... I can fill easily overwhelmed with my surroundings, and often my parents' yelling contributes to that... Which frustrates them even more, because I have a tendency to shut down when I get overwhelmed...
Please, do NOT minimize the pain a parent feels when they KNOW THEIR CHILD IS IN PAIN. You are obviously not a parent. The worst, worst, WORST thing in the entire universe is watching your precious, amazing, beautiful child HURT while you are utterly helpless to do a darn thing about it. My son's pain IS my pain. They are not two separate things. In any event, how do you quantify pain? Who can say who hurts more? It's impossible to know which is worse because I can never know what it is like to be autistic and YOU can never know what it is like to be the NT parent of a disabled autistic child. They both suck. EVERYTHING you said about the meltdowns, sensory overstimulation, feelings of social alienation -- those are not foreign concepts in my house! We get what you're saying!
I think your own pain and frustration are causing you to lash out at the wrong people. I mean, duh, of course some parents of autistic kids are lousy parents. Lots of parents of NON-autistic kids are lousy parents!! (Really. Talk to your NT friends. They've got plenty to bitch about, too.) But GOOD parents of kids with autism are advocates, fighters, and caretakers. You're right, they don't undergo the bullying that you are subject to. But you've got it so wrong -- of course, it sucks to "not get to have bagels," (really? bagels?) but THAT isn't what parents are really upset about. It isn't the money they spent on therapy which kills them -- it's the money THEY COULDN'T SPEND because they didn't have it. It isn't the time it takes for therapies, it's the TIME THAT WAS WASTED while caregivers fumbled around trying to figure out how to help. There are, sadly, lots of people who are embarrassed or scared of autistic behaviors. In my experience, however, it isn't parents of autistic kids who are the biggest offenders in that category. I don't give two shits what other people think about my son and he is blessedly far enough down the spectrum that he doesn't appear to give two shits, either. The world at large needs to get their heads out of their collective backsides and accept that which is different.
For the record, I **DO** get stares and criticisms and social ostracism for taking my son out in public. I get ridiculous advice from my own frigging family about "vitamins" and "essential oils" that can "treat" autism. (Oils. Gimme am f-ing break.) I'm criticized for not doing the right things, for not feeding him the right foods, for not taking him to the right doctors. I've lost count of the (former) friends with only NT kids who won't bring their family over to my house for social dates. I wouldn't know of anyone to HAVE bagels with! My life HAS ground to a halt, my life IS difficult, and my stress levels are off the charts. And all that crap makes me even LESS of an effective parent than I already am. I'm not sure it makes sense to yell at parents for feeling hurt and alone, when you're ALSO feeling hurt and alone. I won't judge you, so stop judging me.
BTW, I'm sorry if I got on my soap box a little. It's been a crappy week and I'm getting sick of dealing with government agencies over disability benefits. *sigh* I truly do wish you the best of luck. Hang in there. You're going in the right direction, and if you were my kid, I'd be delighted that you're self-advocating.
You do know that autistic parents exist, right? Imagine what THEY have to deal with, not only raising a child with demanding needs but also having their own autistic needs ignored by the system. Still, I have never seen a single one of them try to defend the mothers shown in the Autism Speaks video.
It's not a really big thing. They just remind me not to do it in public, which I still don't understand, but okay. Why is me being me embarrassing, exactly? Aren't screaming two-year-olds more embarrassing than someone toe-walking?
I have autism myself, but I'm not sure how severe. I have decent parents as well and a baby sister. BUT.
I can say that the Evergreen School District's "SCIP" program is god awful.
It started somewhere around 1st grade or so, maybe earlier, mayber later, I don't remember all that much. I..had major problems with the teachers. Basically they didn't understand what they were doing, and always ended up pissing me off, always ended up making me retaliate. It was god-awful. Hell, I used to be so bad I rarely went to class - I was stuck in that damned SCIP room - and when I DID go, I usually ended up having an fit to the point where the teachers made everybody clear the fucking room, and when I had a fit they usually locked me in a small, tiny room with barely any privacy.
And then I got into a phase, around 2nd or 3rd grade, where I would piss myself in a corner in that room (on purpose) out of sheer rage.
Around 5th grade though, it was somewhat better. My class used to switch between a class for a day before switching to the other class. One was focused mainly on math, and the other got on the other stuff.
One day I was having sort of an fit. I didn't feel switching to the other class (my class was supposed to go to the math class for the day) and I was working on a sort of 'booklet' with different dragon species.
I don't remember much, but I do know that at one point the math teacher got fed up with me (he was some guy named Mr. Schoummer or something like that, and he had a plant thing in his heart so that if the room was dead silent and if he was close enough you could hear the tick tick tick of it going or whatever) to the point where he came into the room, grabbed the thing from me, and tore it in half before throwing it into the garbage. I do believe it was 5th grade when that happened..which was also the grade I was in when I called one of my SCIP 'assistants' an pig. Which made her cry. Yes, I do regret that, and I wish I had apologized to her sooner, but now I can't.
Sometime in elementary school, I was also switched SCIP classes (we had 2 that was connected by a big room that kids usually went into to play with toys/take breaks, or as a sort of 'replacement' for the tiny room - or should I say heavily reinforced closet. I was somewhat mad, but it was okay. Until they told me to read the rules on the whiteboard. Which I had already read and knew, and I didn't want to read it out loud because I thought it was stupid and humiliating.
Middle School was somewhat better, but unfortunately it DID have an SCIP program as well. I was sort of 'traumatized' by then from the previous stuff I mentioned back in Elementary, but most of the teachers were nice.
Then one day an 12 or so year old kid with SEVERE autism (so bad, he acted like an 4 year old) came in named Tommy, to be a part of the SCIP program. Or he might've been already there, but whatever. He had some..problems that I'll say as I describe what my experiences with him were like.
The first 'encounter' was me casually sitting at a table. I was working on some work, or perhaps drawing, I don't remember, but he walked next to me and suddenly fucking pulled his pants down while laughing/giggling like a maniac. Fortunately I only saw his rear, and not his..well, you know.
The second time was scary as hell. I was doing my thing at a desk, minding my own business, when suddenly he walks next to me and GRABS my left arm and leaned down to bite it. I fortunately jerked my arm away before I got bit, and I did threaten the teachers that I WOULD sue if he DID bite me at ALL.
The third time was somewhat scary but not as much. Again I was doing my work, while Tommy was watching a movie (The Little Mermaid, to be exact) that the teachers had set up for him. I happened to look over to my right JUST as he was reaching across from his desk to pinch me.
And the fourth and final one before he left the SCIP program was the most intense one yet.
I was sitting at a desk (again), working on some work. Tommy was walking out of the room that he usually stayed in or was put into whenever he had an 'incident', I looked behind me and he had that usual grin on his face. I shrugged and turned around back to my work.
The next thing I fucking knew, he had latched onto the BACK OF MY NECK with his teeth, chewing on me as if I was some chewtoy. I just sat there in pure shock for a moment before started saying loudly "HELP HELP", and the teachers got him off of me as he was making his way to my right shoulder.
I was crying, and I almost immediately went to the 'Quiet Room' (they didn't put kids in there when they were bad or whatever, but it was basically around the same size of the room I used to get locked into back in elementary) to just rest. They put him in his room, and I asked the teachers to call my mom to take me home.
I didn't get to go home because my fucking douche bag of a teacher named Ms. Downing (She's basically the 'main' teacher in the SCIP program) either didn't call home or..whatever.
Some time after that, I was commenting on a hardcore war-fan kids' Assassin Creed jacket (his name was Marcus, he was from my elementary school and he was pretty nice), and suddenly Ms. Downing (from her desk) said "Don't interrupt my class" in a REALLY rude way, even so it hadn't even started.
On that same day, or the day before or after, she called me an 5 year old when I was stressed out/having a 'fit.'
And then a few months ago this year, they made up a fucking LIST where I couldn't make any sexual comments, growl, or anything like that. If I did even ONE of those it would automatically earn me a trip to eat my lunch in the SCIP program with that fucking Downing hag.
Oh, the things I have seen. I had problems with the "special needs" classes at my elementary school. The main teacher at my school was named mr. Brown. I remember that I would get pulled out of class at the same time every day and go to the portable for "social skills". It was boring, and as I have very little autism (you can't really tell. Most of my friends don't even know) I got frustrated with their methods. There was this cartoon gut called superflex who fought these bad guys called unthinkables or brain breakers or whatever. I remember "rockbrain" and "space invader" and "wasfunnyonce" and a few more, but not many. I was bored out of my skull. Whenever I did something that was deemed unacceptable instead of getting a timeout or whatever I was sent to the portable. Oh, and this wasn't for tantrums, It was for not paying attention in class, not raising my hand, ect. What happened once was I was pulled out of class by one of mr. Brown's minions (a special needs teacher who hung out in class and just watched me, waiting for me to screw up) and I didn't even know what I had done wrong! I'm just minding my own business, and she swoops in and next thing I know I'm being dragged out to the portable. I kept saying "but I didn't do anything!" and she kept saying "exactly.". In retrospect I guess I had been staring off into space instead of doing the activity or whatever, but she should've just told me. Anyway, Whenever I got taken to the portable for talking with my mouth full or something of equal importance, they would sit me down at the "punishment desk" (when I was in fifth grade they changed it to the "calm down station" or something, I guess someone's parents complained.) and I would write down what I did wrong and how I could avoid it, which was frustrating because often I didn't even know why I was there, and if I asked someone they just gave me the death stare and said "you know what you did" or something. Well, I'm stubborn and I knew something unfair was going on, so what I did was... Nothing. I sat there until the bell rang, then went back and did nothing the next day. It could go on for days on end. Whenever I started screaming mr. Brown pinned me down (This was a heavy guy, I could feel myself being crushed and I could barely breathe.) and he wouldn't let me up until I "calmed down" WHILE I WAS ACTIVELY BEING CRUSHED TO DEATH. Once It was on a gym day, and he said he HAD to exercise me in some way, so I had to do that thing where I'm up against the wall and I'm sort of half sitting like I'm in a chair, bending my knees and stuff. It's not fun. He was basically torturing me until I finished my work. My friend had problems too, she had to take tests in his room and once when it was snack time (these tests take all day, you get hungry) he was passing out snacks and when he got to her he held it out and when she reached up to take it he jerked it away and said "what do you say?" (my friend has selective mutism, she used to NEVER talk to adults, or anyone besides her friends for that matter.) and of coarse she doesn't say anything, and he said "only kids who say please and thank you get snacks" and he just left her there to starve. Also, one time we had "lunch bunch" in his room, and when he asked her if she'd like to come again and he started getting mad when she didn't answer. I tried to tell him her issue. "Um... she can't talk to you, she's got... Um...I can't remember what it's called...""You know what I think it's called? I think it's called stubbornness!" Her mom actually got a restraining order of 50 feet, which he didn't comply with, by the way. Oh, and he would say "you are the reason you have to have this class. You know what it's like? It's like there's a door and you are saying "give me the key! I want the key!!!" but you already have it!" You know what I saw? Me begging and pleading for the key whilst he mockingly dangled it in front of me while saying mockingly "but you already have the key!" and laughing. Because why try and fix someone's problem when you can punish them for it? No one traumatized children like mr. brown.
p.s. I used to fantasize about sneaking a spy camera into his room and getting proof of this stuff and getting him fired.
p.p.s. Whenever me/my friend/my friend's mom sees him in public we still freak out and leave right away.
i want to fucking punch mr. brown jfc if he ever did that to me i would bite him and i dont mean like the bite where it leaves a mark for a little bit but its not a bruise i mean the kind of bite where i will rip out his jugular and eat it
i hope your middle/high school (if your still in school that is) has a much better special ed class :// this year its' going good, so far no freaky drama crap,,
Mine used to be kinda bad. i have aspergers, a very mild form of autism, and when i was younger, i didn't know how to handle it very well. I talked to myself, i said weird things, i was always picked on, teachers didn't know how to respond to me, and I always had some form of problem or another. I didn't have very many friends, and I had a long history of girls pretending to be my friends and then suddenly they would completley turn on me and start making fun of me as well, which is why I don't trust people very well.
As a person who is presently trying to build a successful channel, it's really annoying having to deal with these people. you put hours upon hours into working on filming, editing and so on, for your videos to A: Recieve stupid comments, or B: get overtaken by Nyan Cat. xD
Thank God my parents aren't like that. They are very happy to have me even though I'm autistic. I'm glad that they help me out.
Sensory overload is very unpleasant, and I usually experience it at least once a week. When it happens to me, I lose focus, I feel agitated, and I get very moody. Often I will give in to rage and start yelling. After yelling for a while, I end up crying. I try to get help when I'm upset since I rely on others to make me feel better - it's hard to make myself feel better, especially when I'm not at home.